First Post

And we’ll all float on, alright.

That song has been my anthem for today. I made the twenty minute bus journey from the city centre to my workplace this morning, listening to Spotify on random, and that song came on. In that moment, I knew everything was alright. And that everything would be alright. It put a smile on my face, I bopped along to the music and looked forward to my Monday morning.

That’s what this blog is going to be about, pretty much. I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) but I’ll be damned if it controls me, or my life. I intend this blog to be an account of the mundane (my daily life, musings and ramblings) as well as my more serious thoughts about BPD, depression and the mental health system.

So. I’d best introduce myself.

I’m Carla. I’m 23 years old, I have (dyed) red hair, I’m ridiculously tall and I’m a bit of a geek. I’ve lived in Norwich for the past two years, but I’m originally from Lincolnshire (alright, duck?) and I say the words ‘castle’ and ‘bath’ properly. I’ve just started a job in the insurance industry, and I’m really loving it so far. I have aspirations to study further in English, but we’ll see how that fits in with my current career plans. I love RPGs, books, sci-fi, fantasy, dressing up and socialising.

Borderline Personality Disorder was first brought to my attention in around 2009. I’d only ever been diagnosed with depression and anxiety (and a brief period of OCD), and I’d never heard of BPD. I had a one-off appointment with a mental health professional, and she asked me the usual questions… but then, she asked me about my anger. I’d never been asked about it before, and it caught me off guard. I’d been getting very easily and very intensely angry at the time, and this (amongst the other symptoms) led her to suggest that I had BPD. She gave me a factsheet about it, and it was like being given the last piece to an otherwise unfathomable puzzle.

That was the beginning of my journey towards getting better. I started taking Citalopram, and I was already receiving some great counselling from an NHS counsellor in Leeds. Before I could take advantage of some BPD-centric therapy, however, I broke up with my then boyfriend and moved back to Lincolnshire. Therapy and treatment was very patchy there. It was when I moved to Norwich in 2011, that I got the help that I needed in the form of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT).

That’s a very short and very condensed summary of my BPD, and my mental health in general. Hopefully it’ll give you a brief background and understanding, and I can then explain different aspects of BPD in the future. It’s a very complex disorder (and now referred to as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, if I’m not mistaken).

Anyway… I look forward to writing again, and I hope to perhaps reach out to other BPD recovery blogs, or just people in general that might like to talk.

-CJ